Hatred

I've never been to the position to blame on others or something deeper than that. To be honest, I have searched for a kind of scapegoat in some cases, but it definitely did not stay that long to be annoyed. By the time, my own emotion was relieved from a serious tension, it eventually faded away. There was almost nothing leftover behind to repeat all the similar procedure doing all again. I knew I was not a gladiator, reaching up to a matter of life or death so to speak.

 

Two major factors contributed to this result. I was not persistent by that much to hold and maintain an inner uncomfortable trace in natures. And I assume that I was not crushed piece by piece up to now as much as I would have stayed in that moment of an extended period. I guess revenge was the last word to reserve in my mind unlike some of the popular movies were representing it as a popular motif during that time.

 

For the first time of my life, I feel like something bothering me far beyond discomfort, and also this attacks me to deviate from the stability of emotional integration. Which reminds me how hard it was to get away from the anxiety attack that I used to have.

 

I wish that would be the last thing to get occupied with some sort of anger or hatred

 

I am talking to myself that I've come a long way and I never ever intend to go back where I was before, in spite of this one is a little different.