Muse

   I didn't know what I had looked for. I felt there should be something to furnish me with full of satisfaction in a certain level. And I thought it would be my own obligation to search for that very seriously regardless of the costs. I was rushed constantly, reckless in some sense and was unrefined occasionally. I was not happy with myself almost all the times and suffered from a lack of self-esteem. If it went a little further, there was the time I virtually lost dignity on the regular basis if I was attacked by some typical stimulus. And I thought I was in the lowest floor where I would reach as much as I could. But still I didn't figure out what it was all about yet. I felt something inside but didn't know how to handle with that so to speak. The funny thing regard to this difficulty was that no one seemed to suffer from the similar symptoms at all. It appeared to me that everyone except for myself was immune to that. Which got me into more frustration and harder breaking out of the vicious circle. I was completely surrounded on all sides. No exit was found and never could be.

   Now I could fumblingly describe what it was all about. It could be one of the constant impulse, trying to get into a stage of muse. But I wasn't capable of and entitled to receive it, unfortunatelly.

   However, the good thing about that is I was ready to move forward as soon as I diagnosed with what it was.